I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
how drunk are you?
Several
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
