i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
