He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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