What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i think i have two assholes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
