They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
