Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
