Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
