I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
