THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
