i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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