your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
