u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
