When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
