Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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