if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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