I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
