If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
