omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
