in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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