3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
