just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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