happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
