Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
