it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
