okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
