never play flip cup with pint glasses
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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