we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
