Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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