he was CRYING into my vagina
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
