What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
