we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
