Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
These tits shall not be calmed
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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