I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
