Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
