Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
