The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
