Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
