I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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