operation harelip BJ is a go
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
