i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
