he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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