quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need to sanitize my soul.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
