I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize