You just made me feel so damn special
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize