my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
