kristin has been a bad kristin
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
