I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
