omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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