Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
is wine microwaveable?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
