nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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