Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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