you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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