'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
