yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
