You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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