my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize