I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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