I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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