"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
