Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Your penis caused this!
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