im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
