I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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