Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
