The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
