u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
farters have to be the big spoon...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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