Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
