Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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